~Memorable Quotes from the Movie~

Roxie: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Mama: You're talking to the wrong people.

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Roxie: You're, *THE* Velma Kelly. I was there the night you got arrested.
Velma: Yeah? You and half of Chicago.

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Roxie: You treat me like I'm some dumb common criminal!
Billy Flynn: But you are some dumb common criminal.

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Velma: [about Roxie] First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.

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Roxie: He was trying to burgle me!
ADA Harrison: From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the past month.

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Mama: I'd like to be your friend if you let me. So if there's something that upsets you, or makes you unhappy in anyway...Don't run your fat ass mouth off at me 'cause I don't give a shit. Now move it out!

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Roxie: You see, ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be on the stage.
Velma: Really? What's your talent, washin' and dryin'?

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Roxie: God, that's beautiful!
Billy Flynn: Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted.

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Roxie: You were mentioned in the paper today too, in the back...with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been post-poned indefinitely.' Hmmm... Seven words. WOW! Oh and here's some advice, direct from me to you...Lay off the caramels.

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Bandleader: Mr. Billy Flynn and the press conference rag. Notice how his mouth never moves...almost.

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Court officer: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Velma: And then some.

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Billy Flynn: I object!
Judge: Sustained.
ADA Harrison: Your Honor, I haven't even asked a question yet.

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Billy Flynn: I don't mean to blow my own horn, but believe me, if Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today, and if he had five thousand dollars and he had come to me, things would have turned out differently.

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Velma: You want advice? Well here it is, direct from me to you...Keep your paws off my underwear, ok?

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Roxie: They LOVE me!
Billy Flynn: They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why? Because it would sell more papers...
Roxie: You're fired.
Billy Flynn: I quit.
Roxie: Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case!
Billy Flynn: You're a phony celebrity. A flash-in-the-pan, In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you...That's Chicago.

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Mama: In this town, murder's a form of entertainment.

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Billy Flynn: Would you please tell the audience... err... the jury what happened?

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Mary Sunshine: I wonder if you wouldn't mind saying a word or two?
Kitty Baxter: Sure, I'll say three: GO TO HELL!

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Mama: You'll be habitating down in the east block. Murderess Row, we call it.
Roxie: Oh, is that nicer?

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Roxie: It'll never work.
Velma: Why not?
Roxie: 'Cos I hate you.
Velma: Well there's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all...

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Billy Flynn: The trial... the whole world... it's all show business.